Aloysius is the founder of Sage Mediation, a company established in 2019 after a fairly unconventional post-graduation journey. After graduating in the early 2000s from the National University of Singapore (NUS) Law School, Aloysius has served in the diplomatic corps, run a multi-national tofu business, acted as General Counsel for state institutions including a university and public hospitals, and spent a year in a French Catholic monastery. Today, in addition to conducting international mediations and trainings, he also runs a pure Montessori kindergarten.
This Letter is written to one of Aloysius’ former students at NUS Law. She is anonymised because her post-graduation experience mirrors that of many young lawyers.
Dear J,
It was good to have met up with you again.
I’m sorry but not surprised to hear about your practice experience. Eggs will be thrown at us many times in life. Sometimes we deserve it, sometimes we don’t. In both instances, it will take a lot to stand up again. It will take even more to resist becoming an egg-thrower ourselves the next time we see someone is down—especially when you recognise that person as someone who gave you a shelling before. Don’t let the voices egg you on to become the person you hated. Sunny side up is what I say!
I truly hope you are enjoying your new role. Some of the best advice on being a good in-house counsel came from my bosses in my first inhouse role:
Always be generous. The lawyer in the company is often feared and loved because you can veto so many business decisions. Your non-lawyer colleagues are talented and wonderful people. Just because they don’t know as much about legal principles as you do, they are not dumb. Listen to them and write your advice and opinion as you would to your best friend: Kindly, correctly, concisely.
Be an empowerer. One of my first pieces of work was to advise my boss on terminating a contract. I read the terms and (foolishly) told him, “Sorry sir, I can’t see any grounds to terminate this contract based on the circumstances.” He looked at me, with the standard “duh” look and said, “I didn’t hire you to read the contract for me. You are here to help me find a legal way to do what I tell you is in the best interests of the company.” The team-player lawyer finds solutions. You’ll be surprised how many times the law is an obstacle to doing what’s right. Don’t become an obstacle.
You have a good heart. I pray much that you can find the sustenance you need each day to keep it beating in that wonderful way. Life will inevitably have enough disappointments and setbacks to make you doubt yourself. It will be difficult to keep the faith in yourself and higher powers all the time. Those tough moments are there for a purpose. It’s part of the pruning, refining, and moulding. No matter how grave the error seems, always remember, you may have contributed to it but it’s not fully your fault. The world just isn’t black and white— even if the courts like its officers to pretend it is all the way down to the way they dress! A mistake is only grave when it goes unacknowledged and unrectified.
Sooner than you think, you will take on roles of leadership in the workplace. People will be looking up to you. Your words will carry more weight than you imagine. Even your silence will be scrutinised. Don’t seek the power. Yet, when it comes, don’t fear it or dread it. Having responsibilities for others is part of growing up. You may not be always aware of it, but you are already a wonderful leader, you will become an even better one.
We met because of mediation. I hope you will one day find time to be accredited as one. When I write this, the ink on the Singapore Convention on Mediation is still wet. It’s signed but not yet ratified! Mediation can restore relationships and societies. But, it can only do so if more of us take up proper training and keep practising and improving. If you wanted to, you will be a great mediator. Because you listen well and you care. You are smart, and you are resilient.
No pressure.
It’s a new year. Live every day like this is so. Seek out uncompromisingly for what is meaningful and life-giving to you. For me, my search has been for Wisdom. I have met some who looked for Money. Many seek Love. You define what rocks your boat and don’t let anyone tell you it’s wrong or foolish.
So, for this new year, enjoy it! Have fun in the new job. You will excel. I see the passion for service and excellence in your eyes. Keep a very open mind and a very healthy sense of humour. Pray, Talk, and Listen to people. And, keep reading and writing stuff for fun.
I look forward to our next coffee.
God Bless!
Aloysius